


A Knight's Mishap

by PumpkinPatch



Category: Happy Tree Friends
Genre: Bad Jokes, Joke Fic, Knights - Freeform, Monty Python, Monty Python parody, Parody, References to Monty Python
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2019-01-21 22:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12466832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PumpkinPatch/pseuds/PumpkinPatch
Summary: From way back in 2010 or 2009, a derpy thing I thought was clever back in the day. It wasn't. It was stupid.





	A Knight's Mishap

As Sir Toothalad rode onward he was amazed to see a castle in the distance. 'Perhaps I can seek shelter there.' He thought hopefully, he spurred his horse onward.

Dismounting he pounded on the door, "Open the door, I am a knight looking for shelter from the storm!" he cried, feeling his short, damp, rain-soaked fur chilled by the relentless wind.

The door swung open and a young skunk there pulled him inside. "Welcome to the castle Diehard."

"Diehard?" The beaver replied, his eyes curious.

"I know, not a very good name, right?"

She kept tugging him further down the hallway. Along the way hundreds of females watched with eyes, a few bashed their eyelashes flirtatiously, others blew kisses. The male's eyes widened in surprise and embarrassment.

"Here, let me call a maid, Giggles!"

A pink chipmunk ran up. "Yes, Petunia!"

"Prepare a bed!"

She quickly scurried off, eager to do the skunk's bidding.

"What is your name, handsome knight?" Petunia asked, eying him lovingly.

"Sir Toothalad . . . the Chaste."

Petunia clapped her hands ecstatically. "Oh, you'll be most welcome here, we're all just lonely females, just eight score skunks, foxes, and chipmunks, such lonely doldrums we endure. We bathe together, dress together, undress together, it's all so uninteresting, you know?"

He nodded, how could that be uninteresting? She chattered on, dragging him further and further inside, eventually she came to a bed, here she made him sit. He saw girls surrounding his every direction, beautiful

"By coming here you have agreed to live here and prosper, right?"

"You never said that."

"Yes I did." She said, eyes wide with surprise. "I'm certain I did."

"No," He shook his head vehemently.

"Oh, naughty Petunia, naughty naughty Petunia! Oh, I'm so naughty I must pay the penalty! Here in castle Diehard we have but one punishment for misleading one so handsome as you: you must tie me down and spank me."

Several foxes and chipmunks cheered wildly.

"A spanking! A spanking!"

Giggles giggled and nodded, "You must spank her well and after you're done, you must spank me!"

A fox exclaimed, "And me!"

"And me!" An eager skunk cried, her tail quivering with excitement.

A chorus of the two words rang out with such intensity that Toothy blushed wildly.

A fox stroked his arm and spoke with desire evident in her voice. "Yes, and after the spanking comes the oral sex."

Sir Toothalad grinned, "Well, I could commit myself to staying here for good."

Suddenly the door was kicked in and Sir Fliqpalot barged in with wide, yellow eyes. "Sir Toothalad, there you are!"

Toothalad gazed at him with a look akin to someone who had just had his fun ruined. "Oh, hello."

"Quick!"

"What?" He replied, uncertainly.

"Quick!" He exclaimed, grasping the male's paw and pulling him away. "Come, you are in great peril!"

Petunia tried to block their exit and opened her mouth, but Fliqpalot pushed her aside. "Silence foul temptress!"

Toothalad pulled back, struggling to remain behind, but the green-furred male was too strong. "Look, I'm fine! Now look, I can tackle this lot single-handed!"

A fox ran out, calling to them, "Yes! Let him tackle us single-handed!"

The others broke into a roar. "Yes! Tackle us single-handed!"

Fliqpalot shook his head violently and pushed the male out the door, he turned around and winked, he handed a girl a few copies of his business card. "Call me for a good time, you hear?"

The girls nodded, fighting over the cards violently. He didn't look back as he left, ushering the male onward. "Sir Toothalad, come on!"

"Wait! I can defeat them! There's only a hundred and fifty of them!" He exclaimed, clawing and fighting. He briefly escaped Fliqpalot's grasp, but the bear grabbed his leg and drug him by that. Toothalad tried to stop his mobility, he grabbed a hold of a tree stump, but it didn't stay rooted very long, so he just collapsed in a fit of sobs.

After they had traveled far enough, the beaver decided to walk on his own, his arms crossed, he pouted the entire time.

"We were in the nick of time, you were in great peril."

The young male stopped pouting enough to sniff. "I don't think I was."

"Yes you were, you were in terrible peril."

He gazed at the distant castle, the place he had become accustomed to, who couldn't? All those hot babes . . . "Look, let me go back in there and face the peril."

A shake of his head. "No, it is far too perilous."

"Look, I'm a knight, I'm supposed to get as much peril as I can." the beaver said, hoping to get a small opportunity to head back, for an hour, or a decade.

"No, we've got to head on back. Come on!"

"Well, let me have just a little bit of peril?" Toothalad pleaded, big ebony eyes full of hope and desire.

The bear laughed and clucked his tongue sympathetically. "No, it's unhealthy."

He felt rage inside himself, rage that escaped in a stupid sentence fragment, "Bet you're gay!"

The older knight scoffed and tried to refrain from slapping Toothalad. "No, I'm not."


End file.
